Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.
Showing posts with label Joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joke. Show all posts
Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.
A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.
9:20 AM
Apple rumored to be interested in buying Ibrox stadium. They plan on renaming it...to iBrokes.
11:31 AM
Breaking News: Rangers have just signed a new TV deal. From next season all of their games are to be shown on the History channel.
11:20 AM
The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town . “It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Jamal, aged six.
12:27 PM
Two Liverpool fans are walking in the city centre when they spot an advert in a chemist’s window saying, ‘Free Liverpool season tickets. Apply within’. So one of them heads into the shop, while the other waits outside. Half an hour later,the guy comes out and hands his mate a packet of banana-flavoured condoms. “Where are the season tickets?” he asks. ” Sorry,” his mate tells him, ” I was too embarrassed to ask”.
12:32 PM
The Football Association was considering a scheme for simplifying club badges and emblems so that they more closely reflected the clubs' names. A committee was set up to receive suggestions and, after a few weeks, the chairman called a meeting.
'Gentlemen,' he said, 'our request for new club badge designs has produced a very satisfactory response.
Most of the suggestions are perfectly straightforward and logical - an ox for Oxford United, a sun for Sunderland, a heart for Heart of Midlothian, a windmill and a brick wall for Millwall.
However, I'm afraid we must definitely draw the line at the proposed design received from Arsenal!'
1:59 PM
David Beckham has just announced he’ll be writing his new autobiography. It’ll be all about his playing days with England, his life withe Victoria and his clothes. He’s going to call it ‘ Three Lions, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
12:48 PM
THIERRY Henry was so disappointed with himself after the Republic Of Ireland game he wanted to kick himself, the only problem was which hand to use?
8:32 AM
The local soccer team were having a dreadful season. They hadn't won a game for 12 weeks and the manager was at the end of his tether. "Look," suggested a friend one evening, "why don't you take the whole squad out for a ten mile run every day?"
"What good will that do?" moaned the manager.
"Well," replied his friend, "today's Sunday. By next Saturday they'll be 60 miles away and you won't have to worry about them."
"What good will that do?" moaned the manager.
"Well," replied his friend, "today's Sunday. By next Saturday they'll be 60 miles away and you won't have to worry about them."
11:54 AM
Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan proposed a soccer game between heaven and earth. God, always fair, told the devil, 'the heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the "good" players go to heaven?' The devil, smiling, responded 'yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."
11:19 AM
David Beckham is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a 'tragedy'. One little boy stands up and offers that if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him that would be a tragedy. "No," Beckham says, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved..... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Beckham. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent, none of the children volunteer. "What?" asks Beckham, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says "If an airplane carrying David Beckham was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy." Beckham beams. "Marvellous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy "because it wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."
Q: What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?
A: Waste of Spice
A: Waste of Spice
David Beckham has gone crazy believing Posh has been having an affair on him. In manic rage, he goes out and buys a gun. He rushes home to confront his wife, and finds her in bed with none other than Ruud Van Nistelroy.
Devastated, Beckham takes out the gun and points it at his own head.
"No, David don't do it." Posh cries jumping up from her spot underneath the covers...."I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."
"Shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replies. "You're next."
Devastated, Beckham takes out the gun and points it at his own head.
"No, David don't do it." Posh cries jumping up from her spot underneath the covers...."I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."
"Shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replies. "You're next."
1:22 PM
Liverpool sign a new striker from Nigeria. On the first day of training Kenny Dalglish picks up a ball & says "Ball". Then he does a kicking motion & says "Kick". Then he points to the goal & says "Goal - Understand? KICK, BALL, GOAL . . . GOOOAAL!" and the Nigerian says 'Excuse me Mr Dalglish , but I speak perfectly good English' Dalglish says "Sit down son, I'm talking to Andy Carroll
1:02 PM
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